STEP 14

1 Components and Symptoms of Limerence (Chronic Rejection)

Limerence is an involuntary state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one’s feelings reciprocated (Dorothy Tennov)

Workbook Recommendation

Having watched this video I recommend you read the section starting with the chapter called “The Art of Mindfulness Through Words” which you will find on pages 69 to 93.

2 Understanding Limerence РAt the Heart of Love Addiction Problems

Reflecting on the video above.

  • Intense Fear of Rejection.
  • Constant Fantasizing That One Day You’ll Be With Your Person of Desire.
  • Obsessive Thinking.
  • Involuntary Thoughts/ Intense Anxiety.
  • Chronic Shyness.
  • Paralysis, Socially Awkward With Person of Addiction.
  • Loss of Appetite, Loss of Sleep.
  • Rollercoaster of Emotions.
  • Unreciprocated Lust & Desire.
  • Fear of the Person Finding Out How You Feel (Embarrassment).
  • The Inability to Cope with Unreciprocated Love.

For each of the symptoms above, imagine you were guiding someone who was experiencing this symptom. Imagine you are looking at them on a screen, and they have a speaker in their ear so they can hear you. Watching them as they are experiencing the symptom in a specific environment/situation and from a distance give them advice.

For example, if you noticed that they were experiencing “Paralysis” when the person they desire walks into the room, you might give them advice like…

“OK, take a long slow breath and forgetting about the room, just notice the breath as it enters and leaves your body.”
“Feel your muscles relax and as you notice your body, notice you are supported by the floor.”
“The other person is just a person. Your mind has created a fantasy about them, but what is real is that you are breathing the same air, standing on the same floor.”
“You have as much right to be here, now as they do.”
“Right now it isn’t important what they think, because what matters is that you think about yourself.”
“You deserve to be with someone who want’s you, and even though it’s amazing to feel so much for someone, you deserve to have that feeling come back.”
“So for a moment in time, turn those feelings of desire and love towards yourself, allow those feelings which you know you can have, to wash over your own body.”
“It’s OK to feel good on the inside, if you smile that’s OK. Because sometimes we just need to remember that we exist, here now.”

Repeat the exercise for each of the points above that you are drawn towards.

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