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Rejection: Surviving Unrequited Love

2heartsbUnrequited love and rejection is by far one of the most painful things that can happen to us in the love relationship, as we experience longing, despair and yearning for our love to be reciprocated. Accepting rejection is difficult as it feels like it is ourselves we should blame.

Ourselves that are not good enough; and ourselves that are no longer appealing to the loved one. Some may ask; is it that I am not desirable, not lovable, not worthy enough for him or her? Am I too old, too young, too fat, too thin, too short, too tall, too feminine, too masculine, too quiet, too shy, too open or too closed, or is it that I will never be loved? Yes, these are just some of the questions from those who have been rejected in love. Rejection is experienced as one of the most primal of all fears as being loved, receiving love and giving love is the most fundamental thing that make us who we are…perhaps this is why many are in a constant search for romantic love and union and when that feeling of love is rejected, it catapults them back in to the beginning of time, in to a very alone and scary place with no arms to hold them….tight enough.

I specialise in helping people who suffer from heartbreak, loss, love addiction, co-dependency and the painful effects of rejection, insecurity and abandonment in their relationships. I will help you to turn the end of a relationship in to a whole new chapter in your life.

Self-blame and unworthiness sit at the bedrock of rejection and what is experienced in the hearts of many is a vacuous space that shuts out all the light and with it, the hope of one day finding the perfect person that will complete us. Whilst I was thinking about love and rejection, I came across this quote by Dorothy Tennov:

'Limmerence (Rejection) is an involuntary state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one’s feelings reciprocated'

Overcoming Rejection in my Recovery Programmes will help you to be a stronger more autonomous person and give you the tools to move towards your own worthiness, self-validation and independence.

Self Confidence and Self-Esteem in Rejection?

When someone is in an emotionally neglectful relationship where rejection, criticism and fault finding is on-going, it is not unusual for that person to completely lose confidence in themselves and feel they are not worthy of love. But when a person develops vital and passionate self-esteem and is able to embrace their own authenticity, another person’s behaviour cannot “shake” their core of self-confidence or their feelings of worthiness and lovability, as this can no longer be taken away by anyone. This is equal to self-empowerment and belonging.

Useful thoughts to help you through rejection in your relationship

    • You may feel sorrowful and heartbroken after being rejected by someone you felt love for, but after so many times, you might gain strength from it as you no longer take it so personally, then it will hurt so much less as you stay close to your own sense of self.
    • Rejection is often felt as an intense loss or bereavement
    • Know that if you get rejected in love and relationships, it may mean that the time isn’t right for you, and one day someone will reciprocate your love and affection.
    • Seek professional help if you are feeling depressed or suffer grief and loss after being rejected from a significant relationship. Many can turn to alcohol to mask the debilitating pain, maybe this is the time to find someone you can speak to as rejection can lead to emotional trauma
    • If someone rejects your love, it has nothing to do with you, it means that the feeling of love is no longer mutual and yet rejection “is” experienced as having everything to do with you
    • Try not to pressure your partner in to loving you more; otherwise they may stay with you more out of “duty and responsibility” rather then a mutual love and connection
    • Don’t fear that you will be alone for ever as maybe there is a gift in rejection, so that we are open to love and feel emotionally connected to someone where there is mutual tenderness, free from rejection or abandonment
    • Chronic abandonment and rejection can only be possible if we have abandoned ourselves and lost our own direction and focus in life
    • Self validation and a healthy vital self esteem is one of the main ways to overcome rejection in relationships.

Rejection creates a feeling of being unwanted which then reduces self- esteem. The more intimate the relationship in which rejection is experienced, the greater the damage done, and the more challenging it can be to overcome the effects.Although rejection may occur in entirely different spheres of human relationships, it generally conveys the same messages of non-acceptance such as:Symptoms of Rejection in Relationships and how what your partner can tell you, can hurt so much:

    • You feel there is something wrong with you, bereft as rejection can lead to your own self blame
    • You feel disliked, unwanted and unlovable
    • You feel your partners disapproval or even resentment as rejection grows more painful the more you desperately try to hold on
    • Your partner wants you to change and you think if I do, he/she might want me more, may love me more
    • You feel blamed, criticised and “thrown out” as you feel “if only” I could have done more to keep them interested in me
    • You feel you are at fault / you did something wrong or unacceptable
    • You are absolutely debilitated after hearing the words; “I don’t want you anymore” or “I don’t love you anymore”

Rejection can occur if someone feels your way of loving is an anxious insecure love. Changing the “way we love” and building healthy vital esteem and independence, will help you overcome the painful affects of rejection and abandonment.

Anxiety Symptoms

Helen Mia Harris will help you turn the end of a relationship in to a whole new chapter in your life.

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