Rejection In Relationships

An interview with Helen Mia Harris

Q1: Could you tell us what you mean about the love equilibrium being unbalanced in the first phase of romantic love and how this relates to rejection in the very beginning of a relationship?

If the experience of love is more intense for one than the other, it may well mean that the love equilibrium is unbalanced. This then lays the ground for love addiction and co-dependency, as rejection will more often than not be experienced when one partner may yearn for what the other is unable to give. This can throw the person prone to rejection into a debilitating sense of feeling unlovable or unworthy of anyone returning their love, as the love is unrequited.

Q2: How is rejection felt when love is unrequited?

Rejection is one of the most painful experiences in the love relationship as it’s often because the experience of love is unrequited, not reciprocated, rather than a mutual attraction. Therefore, one person feels far more than the other with more intensity and passion. This can catapult some people into a deep sense of emptiness and feel a sense of unworthiness at the core of their being.

Q3: You mentioned in your event on “The Ways We Love” that rejection can become one of the most self punishing ways we can be hurt by someone else, as it is experienced as self blame, shame, humiliation and the literal feeling that we are not wanted by the other person for whom we hold a romantic affection.

My work is about helping people to experience their own sense of worth, self-validation and self-esteem. I help them shield against the excruciating vulnerability when they are suffering rejection. Therefore, instead of taking rejection as a “personal affliction”, it becomes something to embrace and become more connected to and this can enhance their own sense of belonging and worthiness of love.

Q4: Could you highlight some useful tips or benefits to be gained from participating in your 90 minute Recovery Programme?

In my 90 minute Recovery Programme, I concentrate on some of the most debilitating and raw emotions that surround rejection and abandonment. My Programmes are designed to enhance insight and self-understanding and to reverse self-abandonment by strengthening a sense of self. The purpose of the Programme is to help people to become emotionally free by approaching love, life and relationships in an entirely different way.

Here are some really useful steps that will help you overcome rejection. I work through each of these stages in my 90 minute Recovery Programme. I’ve helped many people through the painful affects of rejection and abandonment and I believe that it is possible to ease the pain and help you turn the end of a relationship in to a whole new chapter in your life.

    • Discover how to make a significant new connection with yourself and start to build healthy self-esteem, worthiness and lovability
    • Self help skills to help you not to take rejection personally
    • Remember that the way a person treats you says more about them than about you
    • Learn how to walk away with self-respect if you feel someone is rejecting you
    • Provides tools to access new windows in self-awareness, self-value and self-acceptance
    • Helps you to develop new decisions and to set a new chapter for personal growth and self development
    • Provides emotional pain management tools to help you overcome the pain of rejection, abandonment, insecurity and loss
    • Learn that when we experience rejection we are in a state of feeling disconnected from our partner and ourselves; only connectedness makes loving a mutual feeling of joy and appreciation
    • Reverse self-abandonment which can lead to independence and autonomy
    • Discover how rejection and abandonment can work as a catalyst for profound personal growth
    • Know that when love hurts and seems impossible, to let go with self respect
    • Address how your self-esteem depends on you being a caretaker and rescuer with a partner
    • Explore how to love “what is” rather than trying to make your relationship be what it “should or ought to be”
    • Learn how to end seeking other’s approval and validation by finding a sense of belonging and worthiness within yourself

There are basic steps to developing self confidence and self-esteem. These steps are like vitamins and minerals for the soul. When we practice these steps daily, we become less vulnerable to the behaviour of others and are planted on our own solid ground.
Breakthrough Sessions – Anxiety Symptoms

You can survive rejection however painful it may feel at the time.